spare yourself the heartbreak

Is fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease the only surefire way to get young folks to abstain from pre-marital sex? No doubt such fear has kept many folks out there, old and young, from extra-martial sex. An article from the Economist features the self-described secular organization called Abstinence Clearinghouse (AC) which promotes teen sexual abstinence because “this makes people healthier and happier” according to AC.

There you go. “Healthier” usually means STD-free AC says.

And happier? Well, perhaps AC should elaborate on the "happier" aspect a bit more because here is an argument for chastity and abstinence which I do not often read about, but which everyone, both young and old, should be able to understand. And it doesn’t use religious-laden arguments either. This should preserve AC’s secular status so it can continue to receive Federal funding.

So how might this “happier” argument sound like? It could go something like: "Kids, there is no prophylactic for the human heart. If you have sex with someone, and down the road things don’t work out between you two and you two have to part..... man, you could be in for a painful heartbreak.

Because you see, sex is a very powerful thing. It’s potent. It’s like fire. You play with it the right way it will warm you up like nothing else in this world. But if you play with it the wrong way, you will get burned, and it could scar you for the rest of your life.

How? Well, because when you have sex with someone, you are basically saying something deep without using words. You are using your body to say something. You are saying 'I love you and I am making myself vulnerable to you, but that is alright because I am yours and you are mine.' Both of you, naked, in bed, alone together: that’s what you are communicating.

And so if you have sex with someone you truly love, someone whom you have committed yourself to live with and to love for the rest of your life, sex will really feel great. You will feel warm all over, not just physically, but deep down. And you will be happy.

This is why there are folks out there called 'churches' which have always said that sex finds its home in a committed, loving, mutually-giving relationship: exactly what married couples ideally should have. But I know I shouldn't be talking about churches and religion so that's all I'm going to say about that.

You might ask: 'But, Vox, we really like each other, we love each other. I do not intend to have sex with anyone else, and who knows we might even get married in the future. So what's the big deal?'

Yes, I hear you. But remember what I said about sex saying something with your bodies? That applies here. And for you engaged couples out there, that goes the same for you.

'Relationships' no matter how intense and loving, and an 'engagement' no matter how serious, can still be broken. And what will happen to you if you two have to split--after you have shared this intimate moment together? That's right, a heartbreak....And there are a lot of folks out there walking around with brokenhearts. They've been burned. And yes, a split still feels bad even if you two didn't do it, but you will get over it much quicker.

But a marriage? Kids, that's until death. It can't be broken. And this is not only for the good of the children but also for both of you. The feelings, the attachment, and the connection between the two of you are so real and powerful--which are communicated also through sex--that your marriage can only end when either of you die. That's how much marriage tries to protect your happinness and well-being.

A heartbreak sucks, kids; it's not fun. And you ain't gonna be happy while getting over one.

'But Vox, look at all the many marriages out there that end up in divorce. How can you say it's forever?!'

Let's not talk about other people's marriages. We are talking about YOURS. So, don't even go there. Why not aim for the ideal for yourself? Aim high! Expect the best in your relationship. Prepare yourself to be the best lover and spouse you can be!

I know there are folks out there who will tell you nothing in this world is permanent, that it's just sex and so there's nothing to be hung up about. Well, they are wrong. And you know deep down they are wrong because there is that feeling in you, that tiny voice in the background that echoes that Voice down from the ages, telling you that love, sex, commitment, and children are good things: and that what is good should be honored and treasured.

And doing so will make you happy."