Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Diplomat Spiller's Cable

[Your humble blogger received an unexpected message the other day. Apparently, someone decided to leak to us some diplomatic cables. They seem to be written by a diplomat named Spiller, who is some deputy secretary. In the interest of transparency and openness in our institutions, I will choose to share with you some of these texts.]

E.O. 45678: DECL: 19 APRIL 2005
Classified By: Deputy Secretary A.E. Spiller

Whoa! We totally didn’t expect that outcome. All our bets were either on a cardinal from one of the Latin American countries or on an African.

Speculation now is what is in store for the Church: Latin Masses, a pulling back from Vatican II, the return of the camauro. [What’s a camauro, anyway?] Expect a cracking down on dissenters and a continued hardline policy on condom-use, relations with other Christian denominations, female ordinations, and abortion.

Talk among our Vatican experts is that the cardinals elected an interim caretaker to the papacy, an “interregnum” between the popular John Paul II and perhaps a younger successor when this new papacy ends.

So, there should be no expectation of new and dramatic initiatives during this papacy, vis-a-vis relations with other Christian denominations such as the Anglicans, or the Eastern Orthodox. Expect nothing new coming down the pike on Catholic-Islamic relations either. Basically: expect no major waves in the Church during this new papal reign. Expect nothing earth-shattering.

The previous pontiff’s shoes would be tough to fill: here is a bookish academic succeeding in the role once filled by a photogenic superstar.

And diplomatically, expect no major changes in U.S. and Holy See relations.

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